glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
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doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
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She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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