none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
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She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
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Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
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