I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
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