apparently the secret to your success is patron
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Randomize