i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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