It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
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no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
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