I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaÃt comercial?
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Randomize