i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize