I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
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