I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
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was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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