it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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