my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
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I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
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I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
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