I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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