If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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