It's like God shit irony all over that family
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
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the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
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I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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