I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
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I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
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