my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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