Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
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the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
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Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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