She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
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