I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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