shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
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She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
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Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
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