I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Randomize