I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
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Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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