I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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