So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize