all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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