I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
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I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
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But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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