If that was your dad, he is hot
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
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And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
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Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
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