i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
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