This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize