I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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