in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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