Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
My ass is underappreciated
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
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