rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
no. you can't hotbox the world.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
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the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
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I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
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