I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
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