After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
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Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
you told grandpa to call you daddy
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
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I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
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