It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
