I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
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