he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
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I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
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I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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