Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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