ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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