No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I think I just sharted jello shots
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