There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
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