i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
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