he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
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