Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
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