You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
We're too hungover to prance.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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