When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize