Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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