Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
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